Pretty eyes (DoE creepypasta)

21.09.2021
This story was pretty bad, which is alright knowing I was only learning. Nonetheless, I've decided to remove it. Thank you for support over the months! ^^

 

Very nice, though like with most creepypastas it's got it's plotholes.


For starters; from all the errors I have seen in DoE the blank usernames would most likely be ";999" since that is an error I see all the time with the textbox, most notable when trying to check an empty mailbox or hitting a key that messes up your chat.
Plus I think the ;999 username would be good for a creepypasta because not only is it a real error but it's 666 upside down.

Why didn't the protagonist report these "Glitches" to the forum or PM staff, just a small line about Myz or Rika not being able to find anything wrong and then have Á#Đd%%#¿ÀĐ leave PM about how "you shouldn't have done that" or something cliche like that would've made the protag feel a bit more believable.

Of course as snug mentioned, the lack of PVP in this game. I'm more worried on why the protag didn't try to x out (or alt tab if they were full screened) and just jumped to turning off the wifi. Like dang you keep your router in your room like that?!

You never called the game by it's whole name the entire story, not really a plothole but it does confuse those who don't know what that stands for. In fact you don't describe the game very well at all, I guess that's not an issue since you are hosting on the DoE fourms but if this was elsewhere that'd be an issue.

There is some things I will give points for though.


The mystery person getting into the custom map is nothing paranormal, all a player needs to do is make a map with the same name and POOF there they are so points for that at least.


I can actually buy them controlling the other person's characters, a glitch something like that happened to me on feralheart ages ago.

Okay the glitch wasn't like that but it went like this.

Their character didn't exist, all they saw was my screen and my character, they couldn't control me but they saw everything through my character's eyes (though my preset was missing)
When they typed their username displayed as "???" on everyone else's screens, I wish I had a screenshot of the event.


It could use some work but it's a decent first attempt.
My sibling wrote one of the most popular pokepastas ever written so I know a thing or two about good creepypastas.
I know something they have been doing in their later stories is use fake screenshots though that might be hard to do in this game's case.

 

Thank you! Only thing I wanna point out is that the protagonist did in fact try to exit the game before heading for the router: " I tried to close the game, but the menu was gone, the 'x' in the corner of the window was greyed out, and pressing buttons on my keyboard did nothing" so maybe you missed it.

But still, I'll definitely remember your tips for the future. Thank you for sharing them : )

 

Whoops, I did miss that.

No problem, I was worried I came off as too harsh.

 

This is very creative! I love it! I envy your literature skill very much, I wish I could write as well as this. What made this even more enjoyable was that it was a creepy story, which I love very much with a passion. Horror has always been a great love of mine and this made me smile greatly. I really hope you will bring more spooky spaghetti stories to the Forum, I really enjoyed this one, and await more in the future!

 

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it : )